Hello, blog! Baring the soul feels good. True art is always honest, and when it's not the recipient of that art, while often not being able to pinpoint it, still knows that something is fake... Writing the blog should be about how it really is. Not the Facebook ad, not the landing page of the business. (The marketing baby in me says "it's perfect time for linking those pages here" but i won't. You're guys already driving my page's traffic to better search results on Google, and that's already helping!) I just need to deliver, right? Say it how it is! And this time - the truth about business.
Today, I already wrote the truth about business once. To the studio's landlord. A follow-up. A second one. My pride is not only swallowed but digested and discarded
I am awaiting the response. Let's wait together? Some capitalists sharks do have souls, perhaps it takes three follow-ups to find it. So you kinda already get that truth about business. But I want to tell you about THE truth about my business, or rather lifework. I want to know if the seed of this deed is true. I posed that question and I sought the answer...
At a certain time of my life, when my personal relationship had a thick fog of hopelessness about it, my questions were always the same, but the answers weren't coming from anywhere. I needed them so desperately, so i started reading Tarot cards.
I don't know how it works. I mean I do, it's all in your head. But it is not your head that puts the cards in that order. Or is it one's imagination that connects any card together into a possible scenario, encouraging or warning.
The deck I chose was so pretty. Inspiring, it felt nice in my hands. I started getting better, remembering the suits, connecting the meaning, finding the vascular connections between the cards.
My grandma did card readings, but the normal deck, I liked Tarot better. They make better stories.
At the time I did it almost every day.
What should I do? Will it get better? What will happen to us?
Shaking the Universe for answers. Forcing the odds to decide for me.
You are supposed to ask the question. Formulate it. Narrow it down for the stars.
I laid them out, i took pictures, i studied.
Those times are gone. The Tarot deck remained locked up for years. The answers come to me now from my loved ones and myself. Or used to.
A few weeks ago, I thought of getting the deck out. My hands ached for that perfect size and feel. Or was it because my question couldn't find it's answer.
Is what I do worthy? Is it meant to survive? What's in the future for it? Is it worth fighting for?
That's Tarot territory, I thought.
It took me some time to get to it. But it was a thought strong from birth, so it made me act on it.
I brought my deck and the handbook (and a crystal, and a pretty pouch for the deck, and a plain pouch for the pretty pouch and the rest of stuff.) I smuggled all than in my computer bag and brought it to the studio.
It was the first Monday after Christmas, and my gang was going door to door around the neighborhood with the studio flyers, my job was to figure out the mess with Yellow Pages, try to verify our account on NextDoor, reply to leads, that grow cold quicker than I can resurrect them. All that good stuff, that's been filling my days.
They grab the flyers and the clipboards and they leave. My support system: my heart and two apples of my eyes. My mind stays at the studio, grasping the tasks, creating the lists. My hands make coffee. I sit down. The Tarot deck glows through the bag. Almost. I take it out. I shuffle. I will need the handbook, I can't remember much.
Oh no... they are coming back. Panic, shoving the cards, bypassing the pretty pouch into the plain pouch, into the computer bag. Phew. Embarrassing. Leggs crossed. Coffee sipped. "Did you forget something?"
Yes, one apple of an eye forgot to take her flyers, the essence of the mission and for that received a fun making and name-calling and probably an eye-rolling from another apple of an eye. Squarraling eyes, they came back and they were gone again.
I sit at the little table by the window in the office. The office that hasn't seen a client in 10 months. The office that has only seen the owner a few times in the last weeks
I click the laptop shut. Satisfying. I almost never get to do that. Done, stop checking, stats don't change. Much. Bank account numbers will change predictably and won't go up under an intense gaze.
I shuffle the cards. What's my question? Will it survive? Is the situation favorable? Am I on the right path? That kind of vibe. I break the deck. I draw the card
The Present. Queen of Swords.
I know this card. We looked at each other a lot when i was choosing "my" queen. Dropping first. My present.
The Queen of Swords is an independent woman who takes a no-nonsense approach. Her forthright manner can make her seem unemotional. However, she has a strong sense of fair play with a good reasoning mind and excellent perception. Note how she holds her sword to the illumination of the light in this card - symbolic of the wisdom and clarity of thought swords can bring.
This card speaks of inner strength, gained through experience and personal suffering. The book describes her as someone who isn't afraid to speak her mind, organized and efficient, headteacher, fast thinker, but overly critical, intolerant, and having the ability to cut people to shreds with her words - all the useful traits if you ask me. "Simply a strong and independent woman," the book says. "Simply?" say I.
My first card. My present. Me. I'm happy. I draw the card.
Desires. Six of Pentacles.
I don't know this card. But I know the suit. Pentacles - Money! Desires. Mine. Needs really. Occupying thoughts. The card seems to have plenty. I like this card already.
A well-dressed merchant holds the scales of balance and provides gold pentacles to outstretched hands.
My hands! I desire pentacles! I need those pentacles to pay my Common Area Expenses bill (the truth about business is when you sign triple net, your soul goes with it)
Succesful material gains, business ventures paying off - the book is so hopefully. "Don't forget to share with others" - reminds the book. "I'll share" I assure. Just give me!
"Invariably, when we work hard" lectures the book, - it is our nearest and dearest, who pay the price of not having as much our time as they deserve. Now that the results are beginning to manifest (they are?), show your appreciation, for time is a precious resource that can never be replaced"
I think of my helpful crew, and how they are right now extraverting on my behalf and I grow grateful to the well-dressed merchant for reminding me that 6 of Pentacles is a card of kindness and generosity.
Strong and independent wants money. What's next?
Helpful Matters. The Star.
First Major Arcana Card. And a good one. Same placement as in the textbook. Textbook.
Card of hope, tells us to be optimistic, have faith. safe in the knowledge that better times are ahead of us.
A bright star illuminates a young woman as she pours water (subconscious) from her two pitchers (conscious). The woman brings renewal. She sits within the pool of water (emotion), but her forehead is illuminated (wisdom) Her naked state represents the truth.
A guiding star, that is my helpful matter. Beautiful mermaid, busy with her pouring out the subconscious, into the waters around her. This card provides faith. It urges you to believe in yourself. Your plans show promise, she says, success is attainable by the light of the Star.
My path seems lighter already. I will call those leads and sign them up!
Are helpful matters and wishful thinking the same thing? Three good cards in a row. I'm starting to feel the loser's fear, whose name should be "as always".
Challenges. Two of Wands.
Challenges are all that surround us now. I was prepared to see something bad. But two of Wands seemed peaceful.
We see a young man facing two wands that are now firmly placed in the ground, showing that his project has become more established. He looks between them far beyond into the horizon contemplating his future plans. The vegetation is healthy, lush and vibrant, which brings a sense of optimism.
Even my challenges are optimistic.
The book continues lifting my spirit up
The fork in the road shows future choices and decisions that will need to be made as the querent progresses. Initial stages have progressed to get the project off the ground. Presence of this card shows that the potentiality exists. Focus on future plans, put required effort.
I will, all of me screams. Can this be? The challenges promise Graal.
Four cards. And the situation is pretty clear. But still no answer. Strong and independent, wants prosperity, knows how, thinks big... now will it work? The Outcome.
That 5th card. The odds - it's not a good one. With my luck - it's definitely not a good one. My soul dances on the razor blades, as i draw the card.
Outcome. Eight of Swords
There is is... The blade spits my insides in half. Eight blades. I stare at the picture. Here I am, blindfolded, chained, entrapped in my own illusion. My mood drops, I don't want to make the phone calls, what's the point.. I reach for the book, though isn't this clear? 8 swords. But the torture is more exquisite.
"Note, says the book almost sarcatically,- how none of the swords touch her and the chain around her wrists appears to be loose. The light that swords emanate represents clarity of the thought that she, blindfolded, can not see"
Fear is preventing you from moving forward, - the book yells at me - shake the paralysis off, along with the loose chains and the blindfold, walk around the swords to where you need to be, it is up to you"
But my question, - i dare to to inquire. What's my outcome?
"This card, - says the book literally, - is a reminder that the answer IS available, perhaps you need to look at the situation differently"
Thanks, Tarot. I've walked the full circle, witnessing your magical assertivness and arrived as confused as before. The answer is within me. And this time you decided not to make it easy for me. The path is right, right? It feels right. I wish I felt more reassurance. May be it will come with the landlord's reply. Let's wait together, shall we?